


Apart, Together

by StarlightQueen17



Category: Shades of Magic - V. E. Schwab
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Kissing, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Misunderstandings, Politics, Romantic comedy with angst, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 03:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15063671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightQueen17/pseuds/StarlightQueen17
Summary: “You do realize you proposed to me, right?”The question landed like a star falls from the sky. Destroying everything before it and leaving only silence.a misunderstanding that sets the city of London alight with gossip forces Lila and Kell to examine their relationship and what exactly    they want from it. Even a pirate and a prince have to face the hardships of adult relationships.





	1. Roses and Daggars

For Kell, life without Lila was becoming a world without the stars. The sun may rise and set each day but it was dreadfully dull. It was inevitable, unavoidable, that they would find themselves apart. 

Each time she set sail and he stayed in the palace it hurt like it was the first time all over again. There was almost a ceremony at this point. He would walk her to the docs, she would kiss him farewell. He would watch her go. She looked back only as the ship set out before tending to her duties as captain.

Rhy would console him as much as he could. Being king ment less time to slink away and be alone with family. He would bring wine to celebrate her journey and to numb the heartache that flowed to him through Kell. Even Alucard tried to be less irritating on the days Lila left.

 

It was the trajectory of their occupations. Kell was the prince now, the only prince the country had until Rhy and Alucard adopted a child. Any and all royal duties or obligations kept him at Rhy’s side. Were he being honest with himself, he knew he wouldn’t give up that position for the world. He and Rhy were a team and at his side is where Kell belonged. 

 

Lila had finally reached her dream of being a pirate, of sailing and freedom and adventure. No matter how much they tried, she would never be happy stuck in London, any version of it. It was fine. They would meet again and she would stay a few months and then leave a few months more. Rhy had called them the sun and the moon, caught in an endless cycle and reuniting only briefly to create an eclipse. This past reunion had been particularly awkward for both of them. 

 

Being king meant Rhy had to speak with dignitaries to keep peace or resolve problems, some of which ranged from international trade to what to do with a flock of wild chickens that plagued a small town for months. A proper king, Rhy said, took personal conferences with each visitor who sought an audience and spoke with them on their own terms. 

 

The current issue brought to them by a barron from the north had to do with agriculture and with it being spring they decided to meet in the garden. Kell, Rhy, and a barron of a small province sat bathed in sunlight. A collage of colorful flowers surrounded them, the sweet floral scent of hot lavender tea permeating the air. 

 

The Barron was a bit of an eccentric man, with clothing a mix of blue silk and sashes decorated with gold bells and coins. A large feather cap sat crooked on his head. It was obvious he meant to impress and on some level he did. 

He did not downplay his eccentricity, a pleasant change of pace from  _ Ostra _ of the royal court. At times they seemed to be entities comprised of nothing but proper attire and decorum. 

The discussion was coming to a close and plans were being drawn. Rhy and his guest were still going over the fine details of… something. Kell had stopped paying attention some time ago. As soon as the more difficult aspects of the meeting had finished, his mind wandered. It drifted to thoughts of Lila who would be arriving that same day.

 

Lila, who sailed the more dangerous parts of the northern sea and who was no doubt proving to be the more dangerous force. Lila, who he hadn't seen in three months now, but who hadn’t left his mind for a single day. 

The ship s he was on would return at any moment and he knew he should focus to the royal discussions but his mind wandered. As the mind wandered so must the body. Kell grazed Rhy's shoulder and caught his brother’s attention.

 

“If you no longer need me I will take a walk and see to other matters. I feel just a bit restless.” Rhy gave him a look that said ‘I know you are I can actually feel you caring less about this by the second.’

 

“Well I’m sure we can manage without you, I know you’re expecting a private affair of your own.” The playful innuendo did not phase their guest, but still made Kell’s ears redden. “Thank you for your help brother, I’ll leave you to your other work.” Kell gave a smile and a quick bow to Rhy, something that will never stop feeling weird no matter how long Rhy will reign. 

He set off to his usual place in the garden, under a tree passed the rose bushes. It was a place to wait and a game he sometimes played with Lila. He would not appear so desperate to wait for her at the docks, yet he was enough of a romantic to want to meet in a place of their own. By complete accident, this part of the garden had become that place.

 

The willow tree loomed at the edge of the garden, near an elaborate wall and hidden behind bushes. It cast a shadow and kept them hidden from prying eyes, the perfect place to wait for a partner made of shadow. 

The wait wasn’t long. Only a few minutes passed before the smell of salt and metal allerted him to her arrival. Before her hands ran through his hair and her voice rang out.

 

“Leaving yourself vulnerable  _ Mas Veras _ ?” Her tone was playful, a cat toying with prey. “Doesn’t seem so safe. You never know where scoundrels and pirates lurk.” He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that knife like smile was on her lips. A knife he would gladly let her press to his throat.

 

“I’ve met my fair share of those and lived. They by and large aren’t as bad as they seem.” He opened his blue eye and looked her way, a faint teasing smile on his face. “Except for this one captain. A real cutthroat she is. They say she’s the fiercest sailor in Arnes and twice as cunning as she is powerful. Do tell me if she comes for me won’t you?” Kell looked up at her, standing there in her black captains uniform and a rapier at her side. As always Lila looked beautiful and lethal.

 

All her patience seemed to run out as she knelt down on a knee and her mouth conquered his in a kiss. Powerful and rough was the only way she kissed when they first reunite, as she pressed his head in the wood of the tree. It was a freeing feeling that washed over him, like his heart had grown heavy while they were apart. Now all the weight of the world  washed away out to sea. 

She bit his lip and the sharp little pain sent a shudder down his spine. Saints he missed this. Her black attire, short black hair, and black glass eye made her a figure of shadow illuminated by the midday sun. A breathy laugh escaped his lips and she stood straight with a grin.

“Hello” 

“Hello” 

They fell back in to step as if they had never parted. 

Kell remained seated under the tree, listening to Lila tell her tale of travels, and pantomimed her actions as she spoke. She slashed through an imaginary sword fight and danced through an imaginary festival. At some point the conversation turned from grand tales to casual whispers. she sat down next to him, her weight against his shoulder as they soaked in each other’s presence. The sun had begun to set turning the sky purple with a red glow.

 

“ The northern shores are amazing Kell. You and Rhy would benefit from visiting there soon.  To inspire the people and trust in the crown and such. There’s these beautiful lights that dance across the sky. Green and blue and purple. They have all types of magic items there-”

 

“Did you get another knife?” He already knew the answer but the question flew out anyway. Lila gave a cutting smile and lifted her hand up, producing a new knife. Her new possession had a red wood hilt and an iridescent blade that shone in the light.  .

 

“This one is tuned to the north star, so it's an incredibly lethal compass. One more feature.” She threw the knife right near his head. Kell moved his head to the side in one swift, languid motion. He looking almost board with the action. The knife embedded itself in the tree a tad to the right of the target. A vibrant light shone through and the trinquet popped out of the wood and hovered over the tree in the spot where Kell’s head had been.

 

“ It keeps aiming for where I intend even if I miss. Very useful don’t you think?” A cheeky grin spread on her face, full of pride though if it was of herself or the knife he was unsure. Kell returned it with an amused stare of his own.

 

“I’m not sure who’s the stranger one on our relationship. You for collecting knives and throwing them at me, or me for growing to like it.” He played with the tip of the weapon, taking the tip of his finger and bobbing the weapon down to face the ground. It righted itself and continued pointing at him. Lila came and grabbed it by the hilt, sheathed it and put it away.

 

“I thought you might like it as a gift. So you can take it to your study and pull it apart with magic, or whatever it is that you do when you study these things.” Kell considered it a kind gesture since Lila was not one for sentiment or romantic words. Affection came through shared time together and actions with her and being apart so often left little time for either.  

 

When he acquired the habit of studying magical items she too made a habit of bringing such items back. Another way they tied to each other no matter how far they were. Her tone this time, however, made it clear she disapproves of taking such a wonderful tool and confine to his study, or the sanctuary. 

 

“Thank you for thinking of me. I’ve not seen any charms like this before. I’ll give it back to you before you leave.” Lila seemed content with that answer. She seemed to relax for one second before her eyes lit up with an impish amusement. A devilish smile cut its way across her face. Thinking back, Kell should have known at that moment he was doomed.

 

“Kell, stay there for a moment. I want to try something.” She turned and scanned the garden for something, her head darting from side to side. Finally she locked eyes on a rose bush and made her way towards it. Kell laughed a bit under his breath, watching her with amusement as she cut two of the flowers.

 

Lila stood over the bush and wove the stems together, her quick fingers dancing over thorns and yanking leaves. If Kell didn’t know better he thought she was making.... something she couldn’t know about because she had no interest. She turned to reveal the flowers wrapped around each other in a way that looked like…

 

Kell’s face went hot and red and his heart felt like it was on fire. A fire that got stronger as she came near. Somehow it was as if she placed an Antari spell on him and he had turned to stone. She seemed rather blithe to be doing something of this magnitude. He became so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice when Lila had come up to him.

 

“Hold out your hand. I saw this in the town over in the north and thought of you.” Kell sat petrified eyes wide and blank. He could hardly breath. Rhy must be somewhere in the palace worried to death because Kell feels like he might explode at this moment. Lila for her part looks mildly confused at his reaction but not enough to pay him too much concern. She kneels down on one knee again and ties the floral braid around his wrist before Kell can notice. When she finished, Kell came back to his senses and stood up in shock.

 

“Lila I don’t think you understand what this means in Arnes…” As soon as he said it he wished he hadn’t. The fastest way to get Lila to be stubborn and irritable was to imply she didn’t know something. Her face went from open and relaxed (as much as she ever was) to sharp and ready to make a fight of it. She stood up, eyes fixed and fire lit.

 

“I know what I’m doing. I’m the one who went there and saw it while you stay here.” Her voice was even but the tone was cutting. Looking back on it he could hear bits of disappointment buried there too.  

 

“Lila.” He tried to interrupt.

 

“I’ve lived here for five years, I know enough by now.”

 

“Lila!”

 

“What?”

 

“You do realize you proposed to me, right?” The question landed like a star falls from the sky. Destroying everything before it and leaving silence. Lila looked frozen in place and Kell knew his face must match his jacket.

 

“I...did not know that.” They both looked down at Kell’s flower adorned wrist like he were wearing a serpent.

 

“ So, I suppose you don’t mean it?” Kell said the question trying to make light of it but somehow it sounded worse. It was Lila’s turn to redden now, a sight Kell hadn’t seen in years.

 

“I...Er.” The fearless privateer captain Delilah Bard had been left speechless. A near impossible feat only she could cause. It was as if the two of them were frozen solid by the encounter. A proposal. The thought of doing such a thing was, well, not unpleasant but also as insane as sprouting wings and flying to Vesk. Kell didn’t know how long they stood there for. Some part of him was hoping to take a breath and explain, even move past the situation. But fate has always liked to be cruel to him.

 

Neither of them had noticed to footsteps approaching. Neither turned to see the visiting Barron, Rhy, and a guard get so close until they heard Rhy’s voice through the fog of embarrassment.

 

“Brother, there you are! I was worried something had…” He trailed of when he saw Kell’s wrist. The both of them red as the river and secluded. Everyone stood stock still for what felt like eternity.

 

“Your highness, I think your brother is in good hands. Let us retreat. Quickly.” The Barron spoke up at last, the other two only nodding. Rhy had a smile on his face and Kell wanted to smack him, only a little bit. They started to retreat, The guard giving a quick “Congratulations” as they left. The two of them are alone once more.

 

“So. I didn’t know that was a marriage proposal but it doesn’t matter. We don’t have to get married right?” Lila tried to sound confident, and she did sound more confident than Kell could manage right now. It brought him back down to a more reasonable place.

 

“No. It shouldn’t matter. I’m sorry Lila, I forget how much about Arnesian culture we haven’t shown you.” He took her hand with his unbraided one. She let him and coiled their fingers together. “It is a misunderstanding. I don’t expect you to want to...um. We don’t have to think about that. Thank you for thinking of me though.” He traced the flowers with his fingers, unaware aware he was doing so.

 

“You’re welcome. Right. Well. Let's move on shall we? Not the most embarrassing thing we’ve ever done. Remember the time on those tiny islands?” The humor and wit had come back into her voice, and the two of them relaxed into each other again. For a moment all was normal. It was a minor thing no one would have known about.

  
  



	2. Whispers & Sunrise

Kell drifted to his room after parting with Lila. He removed the roses around his wrist almost immediately, unwrapping them gently so as not to break them apart, and tossed them into the river from the nearest balcony.

Embarrassment, he thought to himself, lead to an odd form of exhaustion. Like a lead ball had lodged itself in his chest, but everything else inside him had been emptied out on the floor. Maybe that’s why his usual slouch worsened as he walked and his shoulders hunched forward.

He tried to make his way through the palace quickly, though with each step his feet felt harder to lift. The halls felt quite as he ascended the stairs. Not the type of quiet that meant peace, no this was the quiet that hummed with anticipation of chaos. The quiet that screamed of whispers just out of reach.

He knew just what those whispers would be. He tried to ignore the thought of it but as he approached his room he felt his heart speed up. No, not the feel of his heart. The heart that belonged to his brother. As the numb feeling in his body left him, he returned to his usual state of constant awareness for the life he shared. Wherever Rhy was he was excited. Anxious. Happy.

Kell stopped in his tracks. The bond he and his brother share doesn’t allow for mind reading, thank all the saints for that, but he knew what likely caused these feeling. He placed his hands over his heart and tilted his head forward in a calming gesture. Eyes closed he tried to send a feeling of calm to his brother. He felt his own feelings drift through the bond, the calm as well as the tired and the embarrassed.  Rhy sent back confusion and Kell could feel his brow furrow in annoyance. He continued on and approached his bedroom door, hoping to put this whole thing behind him.

No sooner had he entered his room did he realise this day was not yet through with him.

There stood Rhy, white clothes practically glowing in the darkness of the evening. He had thrown Kell’s balcony windows open so the night sky was visible, as he stood with his back to the door. Rhy turned on his heel revealing a wide grin on his face and two bottles of expensive wine.

Kell wouldn’t lie. He was happy to see the wine. His brother shot forward, movement stiff yet brimming with energy, as if he were trying to hold himself together or completely fall apart. Before his brother had reached halfway through the room Kell held up his hand palm facing Rhy in a stop gesture.

“No. I don’t want to talk about it.” His voice sounded deeper even to his own ears. Flat with lack of energy and will to feign any emotion other than exasperated. Rhy stopped, eyes going wide and smile wilting at the edges.

 

“About the fact that you are marrying Lila, or that you’re getting married _Before me_?” His voice rose a little in humor, trying to make this a conversation not an interrogation. Kell pinched the bridge of his nose as he drifted to his favorite chair, collapsing into it, body going limp. Kell could feel his brother watching him, his face falling to a stern yet gentle look that made him seem to much like their father.

 

“Kell this is a wonderful occasion. You should be celebrating!”  His brother moved towards him in the slow and gentle way he would move when Kell was young and emotional and likely to accidentally start a fire if provoked. The young king set the wine down on a table between them, the clink of glass echoing in the room. “So why does your heart feel heavy? Brother you should be happy but all I feel from you is a mess.” He put his hand over his heart,golden eyes searched Kell’s own.

“It was was a misunderstanding Rhy. Lila didn’t mean to” he could’t actually bring himself to say the word propose and found himself  searching for the right word to replace it. “ She thought it was a form of decoration, no one ever explained to her how marriage works in our world. In Grey London a proposal is a man offering a ring after years of planning so it probably never even entered her mind that it was different. No one is getting married. Especially not Lila and I.” Years of practice kept his voice even and controlled, perfectly tailored to give an air of complete calm, a voice he often used in court. It sounded fake even to his own ears.  His heart still felt heavy and he knew Rhy could feel it.

 

“I’m so sorry. Are you...are you okay?” his tone was gentle, he sounded more hurt than Kell felt. Kell shrugged in response

“I don’t see why I wouldn’t be.” Rhy’s eyes went slightly wide in response.  

“ Well you did _Want_ to marry her didn’t you? When she gave you those roses didn’t you feel excited? I certainly felt your heart pick up enough so I know you felt something” Rhy’s voice was searching, probing and Kell wished he was capable of putting walls up between his brother.

“I was embarrassed! I mean can you imagine that happening and having people witness it?”

“Yes! If Alucard proposed to me I would be ecstatic, It would be the best day of my life!” Rhy’s voice rose, absolutely incredulous. Kell rolled his eyes and reached for the wine. “If it all turned out to be nothing? A misunderstanding? I’d be beside myself, devastated. You’re neither.”  

Kell took a deep, long drink of wine, savoring the bitter taste.

“You and I have entirely different relationships.” Kell said, lowering his glass. Rhy shook his head.

“We both love them. Is that not the core of a relationship? You’re telling me it didn’t matter if you thought the woman you loved proposed to you and it turned out to not be true?” Kell fidgeted in his chair, fingers tapping the arm and trying to avoid Rhy’s eyes and saying nothing. Rhy leaned forward slowly, eyes fixed on his brother.

“You do love her don’t you?”

Kell leaned back and closed his eyes.

“ Lila and I aren’t like you and Alucard. We aren’t romantic, we don’t whisper soft nothings when no one’s looking, no grand declarations, and half the time we’re apart. If this is love I wouldn’t know it.” Kell’s voice was brittle, a gentle breeze in the night. “I don’t know what it’s like to be in love, the type of love that sanctions marriage. Our lives are hectic and messy and increasingly isolated. When Lila is here its quiet. Not simple, and not peaceful, but something too complex to name. With Lila I’m just Kell. Which is still a new thing to be. It’s exciting. But terrifying. I guess that’s as close to love as I have.”

His throat felt raw but he’d hardly spoken a few seconds. Rhy looked at him and sighed, leaning his head against his right hand he fixed his eyes on his brother.

“ You don’t say all that about a person and act like a wounded bird when she’s gone and not call that love!” Rhy’s voice rose, confusion seeping into the edges. Kell stood up quick, almost knocking over the wine.

“I never said I didn’t love her!”

“It’s a yes or no answer Kell.”  

“I love her. I have since we first set sail together, but I don’t know if she loves me!”

The room fell silent. The brothers both felt a burning sensation in their chest, heartache, but neither knew who it originated from.

“I don’t know if I want her to love me. I have no doubt we have a bond as strong as iron, and we care for each other, would kill and die for each other but we never called it love.  It’s not courting. There are no expectations other than no matter how long we’re apart we come back to each other. We never belonged to each other. If we’re a grand romance or a convenience it doesn’t seem to matter. So I knew she didn’t mean to propose. It doesn’t hurt in that way because it’s not a fantasy I have.”

Rhy stood, quiet as a shadow and made his way to his brother. Kell was still taller than him but he took his face in his hands. A light glaze of mist in those mismatched eyes but no tears. He wrapped his arms around Kell, who swayed slightly at the added weight. They stood there in silence until Kell slowly sank back into his chair with Rhy still holding on. Kell took an unsteady breath, face buried into the crook of Rhy’s neck

“It is a nice fantasy I suppose. For someone else.”

 

______________

 

Lila found Alucard waiting in her room. It was as small and humble as one could have in a palace, something she requested herself, and after the debacle earlier she wanted to collapse and sink into sleep. Instead, when she opened the door she saw the silhouette of a man in a chair and the golden eyes of a cat illuminated in darkness. She snapped her fingers and the candles around the room sprang to life with flame. Alucard stood in a single fluid motion as graceful as a stream. He looked her in the eye and placed his hands behind his back, so very proper. He uttered a single question.

“What the absolute fuck, Bard?”

Lila leaned against the door frame, crossing her arms in front of her.

“You’re going to have to be more specific.” Alucard rolled his eyes, a playful look of annoyance on his face.

“Proposing. To Kell. I know you two have been…” Alucard made some flailing hand gestures as if to indicate an ill defined mess. Which Lila wouldn’t deny she and Kell were but she still couldn’t resist a smirk. “That the two of you are intimate emotionally, physically.”

“Sexully.” She cut him off, grinning at the look of disgust that shuddered through him. He shook his head from side to side as if trying to remove the image from his mind.

“What in the world are you thinking proposing to him? Do you know what this means? The sacrifice you signed up for? Saints the royal court is going to catch fire with this news! ”

“Alucard.” Lila said, stern where he was getting frantic, kicking the door closed with the back of her heal and making her way towards him. “ I didn’t mean to propose to Kell. It was an accident.” Her former captain looked dumb struck.

“How. Do you. Accidently. Propose?” A light laugh left Lila’s lips, though she honestly didn’t find it so funny. So much of this world is confusing and strange. How was she to know she even _could_ propose to _him_. Growing up she had only ever seen men do the proposing usually with rings that were oh so easy to steal out of a back pocket, not common flowers. She never thought of that ritual here, or in general. Grey London women waited for the day it happened, dreamed of it, but it never entered her mind. She was not most women, or even most men. She was part of two of a kind after all.

She and Kell were linked even if they never got married, which seemed to be the way things were going. And that’s fine. She thought of a moment of the two women with flowers wrapped around their wrists as their hands intertwined back in the northern shore. How happy they looked, how content with each other and life, how some part of her wanted that and her treacherous mind brought Kell into that fold almost instantly. ‘ _Don’t think like that Bard. A happy normal life is exactly as dull as it sounds. Why give up adventure for that?’_  She couldn’t deny that the thought of such saccharine life made her stomach turn.

“Are you turning red?” Alucard asked, the light mockery of his speech bringing her back down.

“Just a little drunk is all.” A response a little too quick to be believable. Alucard sighed and ran a hand through his hair, nearly undoing the pony tail it was kept in.

“This is serious. This is the kind of thing that has wider implications Lila.”

“I already said it was a mistake. We’ll explain to Rhy that it was my fault for not understanding custom and move on.” Alucard looked at her and for a minute the ghost of her cunning captain traced his face. Rhy once said people had many faces and Alucard had gotten a new one while he stayed in the palace with the current king of Arnes. Now the face he wore when they met was back on.

“And what pray tell will you tell the Ostra and Vestra, who are so eager to squeeze some sense of normalcy out of an already eccentric royal family? That a foreign girl who courts the prince proposed marriage and took it back in one day?”

Lila kept her gaze steady as Alucard moved towards her in that slow and deliberate way that was almost a saunter.

“ Nobility detests change. It threatens them and right now they see something unheard of in you, in Kell, in _Rhy_. Whispers have power in politics. Decorum matters. Even if this is a misunderstanding it will be seen as a slight against the royal family. Against Rhy-”

“Is that all you care about? How my relationship affects yours?” Lila’s words were ice on her tongue.

“ It affects everyone! This looks like indecency to them and it will only make your life, and mine, difficult.” Alucard sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, the sapphire in his brow sparkling in the light. “This is not a dance you can afford to misstep. There are expectations that a royal family has surrounding marriage. That those of elite status choose a partner of good breeding and reputation is one of the most important. Magic doesn’t run through a bloodline but you and I know that’s not the only form of power. An old family has connections, history, money, and power to create the country in their image. To shape worlds. Old blood runs together to form families with even more power, to combine their gifts and continue the order they’ve always known. You are a threat to that order.”

“I’m a threat to a lot of people”  She crossed the room to her bed in the corner and tried to ignore him. It didn’t matter what a bunch of simpering nobles thought of her, she knew that. He kept talking.

“ These are not enemies you can stab and toss off the side of a ship.”

“Not with that attitude they're not.”

“Be serious. I don’t know what plans the late King and Queen had for Rhy and Kell when it came to marriage but I would bet you a disgraced noble turned privateer and a street thief are not ideal coupling. You especially need to be careful.”  He moved toward her and rested a hand on her shoulder. She let him, his presence a familiar comfort she rarely afords herself.

“ They should be scared of me. I’m an _Antari_ , i’ve fought gods and men alike and won. They should hear how I run my ship and beware, not because of a stupid mistake. Of the falsehood that I would marry Kell.” Alucard sat next to her as she spoke. His smile slight and cold. His eyes tired.

“Do you think Cora was the only bloodthirsty royal eager for power? Do you think the history of our world is not penned with alliance and inked in blood? Right now the future of the Maresh bloodline is uncertain. Many would see their daughter wed Kell to be that much closer to the throne, to have their family be the rulers of an empire.”

“But Kell is not a Maresh by blood.”

“He is the king’s brother. He wields power both magical and diplomatic. No one knows what the future holds but getting close to power makes it a lot less threatening. Kell is a prize that ensures them the king’s ear.”

“Kell is not a prize.” She hissed, her eyes alight with fury. “ I am not an obstacle. We’re people.”

“No.” The words dripped off his tongue like poison “They’re royalty and as far as the people are concerned so are you now.”

She looked at him with questions on her face.  “If you continue your relationship, if you marry Kell you will become the princess of Arnes, complete with all the responsibility that entails. Staying in the city, seeing to law and court politics, a host of rules you would need to know and follow. You do realize that don’t you?”

Suddenly Lila was frozen. Hot coals slid down her throat as the truth of that statement set in.

“And if I don’t want to be? What if I want to be Captain Bard forever not some bloody princess in a palace?” She fixed him with a steel gaze and he offered one full of reluctant sorrow.

“The break it off. Courting royalty comes with a price and a dutie. There is an expectation that those of us born to the blood of the crown must continue our family line. Kell may not be blood but he’s close enough that your perpetual courtship reflects poorly on him and the royal family. You have the option to run from that expectation if you want.” She played that senario over in her mind trying to make sense of it. That was not something the two of them had discussed, had ever even thought of.

Of course they never really defined their relationship or its end point. He was her constant, always there to catch her. They crashed into each other out of comfort, safety, and though she never said it some form of love. Relationships have to evolve or die. And she didn’t want this to end. But she didn’t want it to change either.

Alucard was right,  change meant giving up her freedom, her ship, everything she worked for. She couldn’t accept a life without adventure and spend her life in London confined by rules.

If she ran she would never be with Kell again. Never trace her fingers over sun kissed freckles in summer. Never see his genuine smile, the one that dazzles the room. Never have that connection.

A few years ago it wouldn’t even be a choice.

Now the idea of having to choose was maddening. White hot fire tore through her veins at the idea.  

“ I’m not marrying Kell. I’m not leaving him either. I don’t care what your royal court says or thinks of our relationship, or what form it takes. I made a mistake in not knowing your courtship rituals but Kell and I were never courting. I don’t know how to describe what we are, but we make each other happy. I can’t see a life where he isn’t in it, and I don’t want a life of normalcy. I want both. And I have a habit of getting what I want out of sheer stubbornness.” She stood and looked him in the eyes, her body assuming the stance she took on the ship when she addressed her crew. Powerful and deadly. “They can try to come for me, or Kell and we will fight them back be it with knives or words. We will let those concerned know that there will be no marriage in the foreseeable future. Whatever happens now, trust me Alucard, we can handle it.” Alucard considered her for a moment, she could feel her heartbeat pick up in her chest.

“I hope you can. You do make each other better when you’re together and if I am ever to live with Rhy and not murder his brother I need you to be there.” The humor came into his voice but none of the worry left. Alucard made his way across the room and out the door, stopping only to look back and snap his fingers, sending a gust of wind to snuff out the candles. “Good night Bard.”

Lila stood for a moment, then two, and three before collapsing into her bed. ‘ _This is all to bloody complicated_ ’ She thought, letting herself think and think, tossing and turning well into the night, eyes devoid of sleep.

                          

 ______________

Few things are as beautiful as the Arnesian sunrise. At least that’s what Kiea thinks as the sunlight trickled in from the stain glass windows near the ceiling.

The light illuminated the denizens of the quaint bakery, the early morning crowd that came in to eat before setting up wares in the market or boarding a ship to go abroad.

The steady hum of conversation was a constant presence, sailors exchanging stories, women catching up with old friends, even a few young people laughing and eating warm spiced cakes and tea.

These were the sounds that she had grown used to at work, the words that made her world. This morning was different. This morning the people in her little bakery spoke in whispers. There was an unsteady air as if the world had tilted slightly. The people were abuzz with excitement, the energy filling the air as she brought out fresh bread. She wasn’t normally one to gossip or even listen to it but the bits she did catch made her curious. She caught the brief words of a group of younger women as she walked by.

“ ...Heard he got engaged last night! She used roses which is utterly cliche.”

“ Maybe it’s to appeal to the royal court? They do love tradition, and it’s a good way to win their permission.”

“ I think it’s sweet. You’re just being picky Nadia.”

Engagements happen all the time. Why was this so special? She slowed down, trying to catch a bit more.

“ Seems like a shame though. Master Kell has hardly courted anyone before. I know I was holding out hope that he would stay available a little while longer.”  

Master Kell? Was he the one who got engaged? That was strange enough to make her stop in her tracks. The thought of the Antari prince getting married seemed incredibly unnerving for some reason.

“ I say those two are made for each other. They can be creepy together.”

“ It is sweet in a way. Two oddities coming together.”

“ As long as they’re with each other no regular people might have to suffer through them. Those monsters who destroyed the city deserve each other.”

“Jan he’s still a prince! Show some respect. And don’t you forget they saved this city with King Rhy. Let them be in love!”

Ah, so not all are happy. Well the prince is a fearsome person, but it’s nice, she thinks, that he found someone. Who ever had the guts to want to marry him must be a force to be reckoned with indeed.

The day continues. The sun rises ever higher,and with it more whispers trickle in, what began as gossip swept through her corner of the world as fact.  Dozens of voices joined the conversation, each with a new piece of the puzzle.

“I heard from someone in the palace they declared their love for eachother in front of the king! They really moved fast didn’t they, making it official. Bet you the wedding is in a month at that rate.”

“I heard they even brought in minor royalty to spread the word.”

“ The two Antari getting hitched? Guess it’s only natural for ‘em to fall for each other, bee’n so rare n’ all.”

“ I think the city is overdue for a nice celebration. A wedding is just what we all need don’t you think?”

On and on the people buzzed with excitement. The last Royal wedding for the late King Maxim and Queen Emira had been beautiful and the city was a glow with festivities to honor them. It would be a nice way to sell some specialty breads and sweets she thinks.

People would surely come from miles to see such an event and that means some extra lin in her pocket. Yes young love does have its perks, especially if some royals want to rush into a wedding.  

Her day continued with light spirits as the mood of the city, and her little corner of it, succumbed to the thrill of romance.

As her shift came to an end she hardly even felt tired. Usually the only thing on her mind after an early morning stretches into early evening was a bed and some wine. Now she couldn’t help but study all the people around her and how they spread the news.

The market looked particularly lovely in the red glow of the river. It caught on the jewels and trinkets for sale and gave the whole place a soft warm glow. Where normally the wares of the market were diverse, offering everything from protection charms to tiny dolls that dance in the palm of your hand,  the selection today seemed more specific.

An abundance of roses, both real and made of gold or silver graced every stall. While walking by a lantern stall she saw one woman buy a colorful ball of paper in various shades of red. The woman handed it to a small boy by her side, fourteen at least, who was short with fidgeting fingers and eyes that darted to the river as if wanting to run to it. The boy and woman held on to the ball at opposite sides and it unfurled in small layers until forming a rose.

The boys eyes went wide as the paper flower came to life and held it proudly in his hands. It was sweet, Kiea thought, as he rushed to the edge of the river and joined a group of other children. She stood and watched as he and another boy lit the center of the flower with joined hands, combining their flame.

She remembered doing something so pure and sweet with her own would be husband when she was young and King Maxim had intended to wed then Lady Emira. She looked out at the river with its hundreds of paper flowers floating in celebration and solidarity for the young couple and felt a smile on her face. Sunrises over Arnes were beautiful but seeing such love fill the river and the city was stunning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be short and now it has taken on a life of its own. Also Alucard and Lila are so fun to rite together.  
> Also, a thank you to my lovely Beta who tones down my melodrama and finds all my dumb spelling errors. She is amazing!


	3. Love & endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kell and Lila make some decisions about their relationship.

Lila was very good at hiding.

She can hide from enemies in the night

She can hide in the shadows, waiting to strike.

It was much harder to hide from this.

Cloying questions from people who won’t look her in the eyes, everyone from guards to court members glancing at her with contempt on their face. Maybe she couldn’t simply slit their throats and toss them off a ship, but she could think about it. And she did. Often.

 

The worst part of this was that it should be a non issue. Rhy had held a court meeting to dispel rumors before they could spread any further -too late, she found out, when she saw the lanterns on the water and learned they were a signal of the people’s approval- only to be met with skepticism. She and Kell were still in the throne room when the Vestra and Ostra of the royal court began to argue about them.

“The united power of the two Antari might prove a formidable defence against Vesk and Farro in the future. Please reconsider your highness.”

“They would be to much of a threat. The king is right to disallow it. Other countries might see the union of both Antari as a consolidation of power!”

“This is not about power or politics but of decency. To take back a declaration of marriage is akin to shaming a family, the Royal family in this case!”

Finally, Rhy Stood from his throne and spoke, “This has nothing to do with what I will or will not allow, but of stopping a rumor from spreading further than it already has. We will send word that there is no proposal and move on. The court has much to attend to today and my brother’s choice in partner is not one of them.” Rhy had a way of sounding commanding as a king. It was a voice that was sturdy and thunderous yet laced with warmth, it filled the room and caught the ear of everyone in the cavernous room but there was one weak spot. Rhy’s voice when it came to Kell always dipped more into the warm and protective and it let everyone know where his heart lies. His words silenced the court, but their eyes spoke volumes.

 

Lila couldn’t stand these people and how they thought of her, Kell, and Rhy. They didn’t seem to understand the situation, so wrapped up with their game of politics. She wanted to fight these people, confront them, make them fear her but the wiser part of her knew it would only make things worse. This world of court politics was not hers. She left the room with Rhy’s approval, stealing a quick glance at Kell. He hadn’t spoken to her but nodded, eyes gentle and soft. She hadn’t seen either brother since.

Now she had royals hounding after her asking for an explanation, on her intentions and motivation and political consequences and a thousand other things she didn’t care about. One woman tried to offer her etiquette lessons and Lila left before she could even finish her sentence. She considered jumping out the nearest window and just using the wind to land elsewhere but thought better of it.

She spent most of the day in the basin, training her magic and body, ignoring whatever was going on in the palace proper.

Her muscles burned as she went through the forms, knife set ablaze, moving through the swift strikes and quick jabs. Lila’s thin frame had become lean and strong with years at sea and lessons on magic. Sweat dripped down her neck as she struck the training dummies set around the room, the blade slashing up along the faux flesh, setting it aflame. She used her free hand to summon water and kill the flame as she moved on to the next figure, and the next, and the next until the exhaustion seeped into her bones and she lay spread out in the center of the room.

“What am I doing?” she whispered to herself, voice echoing in the hollow chamber, the room in a state of destruction around her.

The sound of the river drifted in through the basin walls, soft and lulling, almost familiar. Memories played in her mind of the sound of the sea, the rocking motion of the ship and how land felt far too unstable now, the feeling of seabreeze on her skin and sunlight in her eyes as she looked out at how vast the world is.

“It seems to just go on forever.”, she said, and she wanted to see all of it.

She tried not to think about the man with her at the time and how he had smiled at that declaration and said, “Then we should go see all of it, Captain.”  Kell was trying to be clever, showing off with language instead of magic or blades and she hated how it gave her this light feeling in her heart. The Lila in that moment had looked at the world, and to him, and set a course for the the world, to its most distant corners, and most famous peaks and valleys. And he was right there beside her.

There’s so much she saw, so much they saw, but still so much left to see. Wasting away in a palace seems like a cruel fate when the world is still calling.

Lila stood up in a bolt. No moments of sudden clarity or realization coursed through her but she decided she was done hiding. Running wasn’t her way anymore, neither was being alone. She gathered her knife and headed out the basin and through the palace until she came to the room of the man who saw the world with her.

_______________

While this was not the worst day of Kell’s life, It was probably the most annoying. He had hoped that this would be an easily explained inconvenience and the court would move on. Rhy had prepared a few topics of discussion that would surely, they thought, seem more important than minor drama in the royal family.

He was wrong.

Every topic was twisted until it came back to _him._ How people would react to the news, if  he should have been married before now, If this made him seem indecent and it was just. So. Much.

He knew a good deal of the court didn’t care for him, saw him as more of a weapon than a person and didn’t trust him since the black night. That doesn’t mean he was at all comfortable with it. Being in the center of the debate will always make him burn inside. Rhy probably felt his emotions boiling over when some snobbish man from a minor house had asked if Lila was respectable enough to even be here, and quickly dismissed him. He had long gotten used to being back in the palace, but every so often the glittering walls and opulence felt like a cage again.

Now he retreated to his room, feeling somehow both haggard and infuriated at the same time and wanted to collapse into his favorite chair. So of course, all plans of sleep died when he got to the room and found Lila inside.

She stood with her back to him, gaze fixed on the open window and a knife twirling in her hand. She was a stain of black against the soft colors of sunset. Everything about her presence was enough to halt him in his tracks. He closed the door behind him and watched her for a moment.

“You know, you’re the second person to break into my room in two days. Neither you or Rhy will let me have peace will you?” There was a softness to his tone that only really came out with her. He brushed the longer part of his hair out of his black eye and behind his ear, waiting for her to speak. Her hand stilled and she sheathed the knife in her hand, turning to look at him.

“ You would be bored if someone didn’t break in now and then.” She smiled while she said it, but it looked off. She took a few more steps towards him. “ I’ve been thinking about this… situation and everything around it. I think you should marry me.”

“What?”

“ Just listen. Listen to me before you judge my plan.”  Kell fell silent. He could feel himself going tense.

“One time you proposed fighting an entire armada with three people, you don’t have the best plans.” They held each other’s gaze, caught in a battle of wills. Finally Kell relented with a heavy sigh. “Fine. Why should I marry you when I just spent the entire day explaining to the court it wasn’t happening?”

“ Because you just spent a day explaining your life to people who hate you?” He tilted his head to the side, a quizzical expression on his face. “ You marry me, and instead of me joining your family, you join mine. If you did that you wouldn’t be a Maresh, you could be a normal person and owe your life to no one but yourself. ”

 _‘And you.’_ He thought as she spoke. At first he thought it was a joke but she seemed serious. She held herself like a captain conspiring with her crew, sure and confident in their success.

“Lila, I can’t just... _do_ that. I have an obligation to Rhy, to my country.” He felt a slight warmth rise to his cheeks, the burning of frustration in his eyes. “ I can’t leave.”

“I’m sure Rhy can handle ruling without you,” The words stung more than Kell wanted to admit. “Arnes is at peace, and I’m sure he would let you leave if you asked. He would do anything for you. You wouldn’t have to be trapped here in London and deal with people you don’t even like. ”

Kell took a deep breath, trying to clear his head and quiet the hurt.

“ It’s not a matter of not liking the court, I’m here to help my brother, to support him as both his advisor and friend. That won’t change, no matter the name I take.”

Confusion seeped into the features of her face. It was hardly noticeable but for the narrowing of her eyes and the slight downturn of her lips, but Kell had spent long enough with her to read the lines of her face, at least a little. Somehow, like with the current conversation, she would still find ways to surprise him.

“But you don’t need to be here. We saw the world together once, you and I. What happened to the Kell that wanted that freedom? That adventure?” She took a few steps towards him, her boots clacking on the marble floor. Normally Lila was silent when she moves. “ I thought you hated being trapped here?’

“ I’m not trapped. It’s different now, with Rhy as king I have a choice.” If Kell thought a voice could be burned at the edges that’s how his was at the moment. Every word inlaid with want and need, desperation and clarity. “ My father wouldn’t let me leave, I had no choice but to stay in London. Rhy doesn’t act as if he owns me. He doesn’t decide to let me leave or stay, I can go whenever I want. But I want to be here, supporting him.”

Now he moved forward, his hand reaching out to hers, as if maybe she would be able to feel his answer on his skin.

“My life is in London. Beyond even Rhy, there’s Tieren and the sanctuary. I would not abandon them. Even if I did marry you and take your name.” She broke away from him, tugging their hands away and looking elsewhere.

“ Would that be your only reason to ask me? Or did you want to marry me for other reasons?”

“No.” was said so softly it seemed out of place. “ I don’t see a reason to get married at all then. Honestly, I don’t see a reason to marry anyone. Even you.”

Kell had gotten used to pain in his life, but in this moment he felt a new type of pain cutting its way through his heart.

“What do you mean by that?” Words failed him. He couldn’t think, he just wanted to look at her but even that was to much.

“ It would take more than it would give. Trapping me here and making your life difficult with the court. I don’t think we should pursue it.”

Silence filled the room. Neither looked at the other, and Kell could feel his heart drum in his chest. Finally, he spoke, voice softer than he could remember it being.

“Do you wish to end our relationship then?”

He still didn’t look at her. It felt like eternity before she spoke.

“No.” He could feel the air starting to stir around them. A sure sign emotions were slipping through their control.

“So what do you want?” Frustration lined his voice “To just stay like this forever, perpetually courting?”

“Yes!”

He scoffed. It wasn’t that it was a bad idea, but it was the kind of simple solution he had learned not to let himself want.

“ What’s wrong with that? Of the two of us just being together?”

Kell opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. He could say the court wouldn’t approve, of how his world didn’t work like that, but he didn’t feel like fighting with those words. Despite what he liked to think, Rhy would break certain rules and traditions to make Kell happy. It would be so easy for him to simply not arrange to find a match for him while he saw Lila.

When he didn’t have a retorte, Lila knew she had him.

 

“We don’t need marriage. It’s not necessary. We don’t even really need each other” He did give her an odd look at that.

“I don’t need you. But I want you. I want you out there with me, even if we’re not physically together I want you in my life.” He finally lifted his head, taking her in. She stood strong and resolute, her hands balled into fists the way they did when she wanted to fight. “ I...I care for you. So much. I’m not used to that feeling, I don’t know what to do with it. But I know marriage would make us both miserable. So. I don’t want to leave you, but I don’t know what to do.”

Silence filled the space between them. They held each other's gaze for a moment, then two. Finally one of them made a sound.

Kell had a soft laugh. When Lila first heard it, she felt it was dazzling and delicate yet restrained in a way that suited him. Now it grew into something louder, rough at the edges and sharp in the middle. It left both of them stunned.

“Why are you laughing?”

Kell could hear her. He registered her coming closer but all he could think about was the absurdity of this. Of them. How so much of his life had been determined for him when he was five years old but no one thought about how he might love someone. How so many people had played games and flirted with him not because they liked _Him,_ but because he was pseudo royalty. And now the one person he did love romantically wanted none of it to matter.. It was so utterly Lila and he loved everything about it.

“Kell, why are you crying?”

He hadn’t noticed the few tears in his eyes, not sure if they were from the laughter or sadness. He leaned against the door and sank down until his knees were pulled up against his chest.

“Say something!” A shock of frustration ran through Lila’s voice and brought him out of it. She stood there with red on her cheeks and wide eyes, still looking imposing as ever. He rested his face in one hand and gazed up at her.

“I feel the same way.” His voice was soft but Lila recoiled. For the second time in as many days, she was speechless. She moved toward him slowly. “I want to be happy, and that includes having you in my life. But it also means staying with Rhy, meeting with Tieren, all the duties of being in London.” She sat down besides him. “ I’ve never thought of marrying you. It wouldn’t seem right to keep you here. I just don’t want to lose you.” They sat there together, shoulder to shoulder, neither looking at the other.

“Thanks.” She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he leaned back against her. “We’re kind of a mess aren't we?”

“ It suits us.”

“ Never had any people who loved each other growing up. I don’t know how to do this.”

“I don’t think I know either. I always expected to be alone in that sense.”

The sun had gone down and light faded from the room. Kell began to get up, murmuring about lighting some candles, but Lila was quicker. With a flick of her wrist the room was bathed in a soft glow. Kell’s familiar frown stretched across his face.  

“I could do it myself.”  She shook her head.

“You’ve been through enough pain today.”

“How thoughtful.”

“Kell.” She moved forward and wrapped her arms around him. He tilted his head until his forehead touched her’s. “I like the way things are now. I want it to stay this way.” He moved to whisper in her ear.

“I like it too. I want you to know that no matter how far you go, you always have a place here. With me.” She nestled her head in the crook of his neck.

“Then lets not change. We both agree we don’t want this to end. Neither of us know what we’re doing so let’s just...be together?” Kell tilted his head, brow furrowed in that familiar way. “We just carry on like this, no expectations, no endings. Just us for however long we want. We don’t have to marry to be together?” Kell looked serious in his consideration. He always looked serious, but now more than usual.

“I like that. The idea of expecting nothing from each other than we can give. That the royal court or anyone else has no say in it.” He held her closer and leaned against her. “ We’re together as long as we want each other. I still want you, Lila. Do you still want me?” His breath was warm against her skin. They were so close they could feel each other’s hearts beating, a rush of electricity around them.

“I still want you Kell.”

They meet and crashed together, mouths desperate and hands grasping. She ran her hands up his chest and back, feeling as much as she could. Kell’s arms wrapped around her waist, holding tight, almost afraid to let any space between them. Heat surged between them, twisting and writhing like they were the heart of a star. Light filled the room as the fire on the candles began to grow.

They were both aware of the fact that if they continued the room would likely go up in flames. It wouldn’t be the first time their passion caused destruction. Still, pulling apart from their embrace was hard, and though his mouth was no longer on hers he held her close, hip to hip and chest to chest. Kell whispered in her ear.

“I would still love to run away with you. You know that right?” She took his hand in her’s and held it tight.

“I believe you. Maybe in the summer we can go, just the two of us.”

“Hmm.” He hummed into her shoulder. The scent of roses and lilies washed over her, her heart picked up at his familiar smell. It smelled like home.

“You know that I-” She paused for a moment, reaching for a word still so difficult to let out into the world. Love, Kell decided, was quite a simple word and yet they were so complicated. Lila may not speak it but she showed it in her eyes, the way she held him, and in the magic that coursed between them. “It’s hard for me to say it. But-”

“I know. I love you too.”

She didn’t speak, just crashed back into him, pushing him towards the bed down onto it. If one can fall in love Kell supposed he was probably pushed into it.

Rules are forgotten. He didn’t need flowers or the approval of others to know he loved Lila Bard and how she set fire to every rule and created something new from the ashes. So let the confines of tradition fade away, he thinks. Let the two of them be free together. Apart they can be a captain and a prince, but let them be no one else in these hidden moments but Lila and Kell.

_____________________

Lila was still awake in the late hours of night, or the early hours of morning if you look at it a certain way. Kell’s dark room glowed in the soft red light from the open window, the river shining from just beyond the palace. The light illuminated the room just enough to see the edges of furniture, the crumpled piles of clothes on the floor, and the bare body next to her. Lila often woke up before Kell, old habits of survival were hard to shake, but she sometimes would sit with her thoughts and observe him in sleep.

He looked peaceful, younger without having to hold his features so tense, yet still seemed to frown even in sleep. Long fingers, rough from handling swords and sea rigging, danced along his shoulder and arm, counting and tracing the freckles on his skin. There were many a summer night she spent kissing and marking over those specks of sunlight, committing his body to memory like he might disappear the next day. Those nights were full of an aching want with the little things about him, his lips, his scent, his small smile,  pulling her in like a current.

Now a different kind of want settled inside her. It wasn’t like when she wanted to see everything, to steer her ship to the end of the world. It was a constant steady energy that made her feel solid in a world so unreal. A feeling devoid of grandeur sat in her chest, softer than she thought she could ever be, but stronger than she could describe.

She didn’t know what to do with this feeling, but he wanted to keep it.

Lila watched the light seep into the room, catching on the gold and silver bits and bringing color to the red silks and vibrant paintings.

The steady constants of sunrise and sunset never gave her much interest, why cherish something that happens every day and will happen long after death? Why not give chase to the rare and mysterious parts of the world?

Maybe she was getting older, but lying here and letting herself get lost in the shift from night to day, and the steady drum of Kell’s heart made her rethink that.

Her musing came to stop as Kell turned beside her, rolling to face her with a tired and warm look in his mismatched eyes. A gentle smile on his lips as he reached up to move a strand of hair from her face to behind her ear, her black left eye uncovered.

“Good morning. Plotting to kill me in my sleep?”

She turned away and began to climb out of bed, looking for her discarded clothes.

“Something like that. It would be an easy end, and i’m sure no one would be surprised. Certainly would fix some of my troubles.”

Kell got up and fetched new clothes from an ornate wardrobe, a perk of waking up in your own room after a tryst.

“ Lila, as long as I’ve known you you have never done anything the easy way.” She found it odd how he didn’t look at her or watch her dress, his gaze half here and half distant. “Besides, I’m sure we’ll have to go out today and explain to the citizens of London that there is no wedding. Well, not between us at least. Which will be incredibly pleasant, i’m sure.”

“Wonderful. I suppose this is an Arnisean form of punishment?” She finished dressing, pulling up a boot over black slacks. Kell was beside her, waiting against the wall of his room arms crossed, looking far to put together. Something clicked together in her mind.

In between the mysteries and the danger there was a constant to comeback to. Someone she wanted to see everyday, like a sunrise. A feeling new and unknown she wanted to explore that seemed to go on for forever.

_____________________

For Lila staying in London was like moving through a trance. The world was slow and soft and she was out of step with it. The weeks after the mistaken engagement slowly cooled and most people carried on with life as normal. The nobility of the court continued to grumble and shoot her appraising looks when they thought she didn’t notice (which was impossible. None of these people had ever heard of subtlety in their lives.)

The people of london were disappointed in the falsehood of an Antari engagement, some feeling the need to keep the speculation going, and sure enough stories of their doomed love were told around drinking tables to starstruck travelers. A few of her crew had told her the more ridiculous stories and she had to admire the imagination some Londoners had.

Mostly her weeks were spent in meeting and discussion with Rhy and Alucard, or getting supplies for her crew. Staying in London was no vacation and being a captain and Privateer came with more responsibility than she thought, but it was worth it. She was privy to  information most people could never know, dangers out at sea, and the idea that she would get to face them? Exhilarating.

Kell was often absent from her presence dealing with his own duties, seemingly constantly busy. Lila sometimes thought that man has not known rest in four years. There were a few meetings they had together but hardly any time to talk. Those moments came at the end of the day, both of them exhausted and looking for comfort. That was when she finally felt in step with this crazy world she called home.

The day she set sail she and Kell carried on with their usual ritual. He walked with her to the docks with the sun setting low in the sky. Her crew finished the final touches before setting sail. He held her tight, pressing a light kiss on the lips and began to pull away. They were long past the point of whispered “be safe” or “ I will miss you” to one another, but this time she held him just a bit longer.

It wasn’t forceful or strong but her arms wrapped loosely around his neck held him there just long enough for her to whisper in his ear, “I love you.”

She caught the stunned look in his eyes and a smile drew across her lips. He stood speechless for a moment, then two before she spoke again.

“I will be leaving in a few minutes whether you reply or not, just so you know.”

She moved from him and he caught her hand in his. With a playful smirk only rarely visible on his face he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, “I love you too” whispered into the skin.

It was enough. This, she decided, was enough for them and she saw it in his eyes too. Their fingers parted, and she got on the ship, taking control and steering it out to sea. She looked back as the ship set sail, then returned to the comfortable chaos of the crew, charting a course for the edges of the Arnesian sea.

Lila looked back at London, knowing she had a constant in her life to return to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole fic was inspired by a head canon that Lila and Kell never really settle down and are the couple that drive old people crazy because their relationship defies tradition. 
> 
> There is a reference to a certain animated show, props if you can find it ;)
> 
> Thank you to my Beta who reads and edits everything to make sure i'm not getting to melodramatic.  
> Thanks to every one who read this fic, it is my first time writing fan fiction. 
> 
> The shades of magic series is not mine, it belongs to V.E. Schwab and I am eternally grateful to her.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if the details of Arnesian marriage are expanded on at all, but I remember the king mentioning something about a wedding rose in book three so I went off of that. 
> 
> I ship these two so much but I feel this is an inevitable hurdle in their relationship. But struggle makes the love sweeter and far more interesting. So lets introduce the complicated (fear inducing) question of marriage in a high society setting where princes have obligations and pirates don't.


End file.
